On a recent long drive I listened to an episode of the podcast „Psychologie konkret“ – the podcast of the IAP, Institute of Applied Psychology at the ZHAW. The topic: how our beliefs shape our lives. The psychologist Susanna Borner describes how strongly we are shaped by sentences we often don’t consciously formulate but simply hold to be true. Three examples that stuck with me because they sound so everyday: „Where there’s a will, there’s a way.“ „Only those who work hard get ahead.“ „I’m just not good enough.“
In coaching I deal with exactly these kinds of sentences again and again. People come with a concrete concern – a career step, a conflict, a decision that hasn’t moved for months. And when we look more closely, what stands in the way is often not a missing plan but a quiet, deep-seated conviction about what is possible and what is not. That is why I want to take up the topic here: what limiting beliefs actually are, how they form, why they are so powerful – and how limiting beliefs can be changed.
What are limiting beliefs?
A belief is a generalised, mostly unconscious conviction about how the world, other people or we ourselves „are“. It doesn’t feel like an opinion but like a fact. And that is exactly what makes it so powerful: we don’t question it, we simply act on it. A limiting belief is one that quietly narrows what we allow ourselves to try.
In cognitive psychology these deep-seated convictions are called core beliefs. The psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck, founder of cognitive therapy, showed that such basic assumptions work like a filter: when negative convictions dominate our thinking, they distort even neutral situations so that they fit the conviction (Beck Institute). Someone convinced at their core that they are „not enough“ will read neutral feedback as criticism, a missing compliment as confirmation, and a success as luck.
One distinction matters, and it comes up in the podcast too: there are helpful and limiting beliefs. „I can learn if I keep at it“ opens things up. „Mistakes prove that I can’t do it“ slows us down. Both feel equally self-evident – the difference lies not in how true they are, but in their effect on what we do.
How limiting beliefs form
Most of our core beliefs are old. They form early, often in childhood, out of recurring experiences and out of what important caregivers modelled and said. A child whose effort only ever gets attention when the result is perfect draws a rule from it: „I’m only worth something when I perform.“ That rule was once a sensible adaptation to a specific environment – it just stays in place long after the environment has changed.
There is a close link here to the family systems we grow up in: convictions about achievement, money, closeness or conflict are handed down across generations, usually without anyone ever spelling them out. Anyone who wants to understand where their own sentences come from almost always ends up with the patterns of their family of origin. (More on this in the article „Family systems: how they shape us“.)
The psychologist Albert Ellis, another pioneer of cognitive behavioural therapy, described such generalised convictions as irrational beliefs – often recognisable by words like „always“, „never“, „must“ and „may not“. His well-known ABC model makes the decisive point visible: it is not the event (A) that triggers our reaction (C), but the belief (B) in between (Albert Ellis Institute). Two people experience the same rejection – one thinks „not my day“, the other „typical, I’ll never manage it“. The difference is the belief in between.
Why beliefs are so powerful
Beliefs like to confirm themselves. Anyone convinced they will fail anyway approaches challenges more hesitantly, gives up sooner, tries less hard – and in the end experiences exactly the failure the conviction predicted. Psychology knows this as the self-fulfilling prophecy: the expectation shapes the behaviour, and the behaviour shapes the outcome.
A central concept behind this is self-efficacy, described by the psychologist Albert Bandura as the subjective conviction that one can cope with new or difficult demands through one’s own competencies (Dorsch – Lexikon der Psychologie, Hogrefe). The decisive point: it is not the same as actual ability. People with high self-efficacy take on demanding tasks more readily and stay with them longer – not because they objectively can do more, but because they believe they can manage it. The belief thus becomes the switch that decides between attempt and retreat.
The psychologist Carol Dweck argues along similar lines with her distinction between a fixed and a growth mindset: those who see abilities as innate and unchangeable experience every setback as a verdict on their own worth. Those who see them as developable experience the same setback as information and a step of practice (The Decision Lab). It is the same situation – but a different belief, and therefore a different life.
How to change limiting beliefs
The good news: beliefs are learned – and what has been learned can also be changed. In the podcast, Susanna Borner describes the path in four movements that match my coaching experience well: recognising your own convictions, making them conscious, strengthening the helpful ones and dissolving the limiting ones. In a little more detail, in coaching it looks like this:
1. Recognise. The first step is almost always the hardest, because a belief disguises itself as truth. Recurring phrasings in your own head are helpful – especially the ones with „always“, „never“, „that’s just how I am“ or „I can’t do that“. They are the linguistic traces where a belief becomes visible.
2. Question. Is this sentence really true – or just familiar? Where does it come from, and whom did it once serve? Are there counter-examples I have overlooked so far? This is not about glossing things over positively, but about honest examination: a sentence that doesn’t hold up under close scrutiny loses part of its power.
3. Reformulate. A new belief has to stay credible, otherwise it won’t take hold. „I’m great at everything“ convinces no one who has believed the opposite for years. „I can learn new things if I give myself time“ does. The most effective replacement is usually the realistic one, not the euphoric one.
4. Practise in behaviour. And this is where the real lever lies. A belief doesn’t change because we have seen through it once, but because we make new, contradicting experiences. Someone who believes „I can’t say no“ changes that not through reflection, but through the first small, actually spoken no. That is why I keep seeing in coaching: insight alone changes little. It is the beginning, not the goal. (Why that is so I have described in more detail in the article „I know what I should do – so why don’t I do it?“.)
This is exactly where coaching comes in: not in telling you what to believe, but in making your own sentences audible in the first place, examining them gently, and then step by step enabling new experiences that can carry a new conviction. It is at the heart of any real change: in the end it shows itself not in the head, but in behaviour.
Reflection questions
- Which sentence about yourself recurs most often – especially in moments when you are under pressure?
- When you say this sentence out loud: does it sound like you – or like a voice from your childhood?
- What would this sentence have cost you over the past years if it hadn’t been true?
- Which one realistic sentence would you like to believe instead – and what would be the smallest action that fits it?
Frequently asked questions about limiting beliefs
What exactly is a limiting belief?
A belief is a generalised, often unconscious conviction about ourselves, other people or the world that feels like a fact rather than an opinion. In cognitive psychology, such deep-seated convictions are called core beliefs. They act like a filter through which we interpret new experiences, and a limiting belief is one that holds us back.
Where do limiting beliefs come from?
Most form early, from recurring experiences in childhood and adolescence and from what important caregivers modelled and said. Convictions about achievement, money or closeness are often passed down unspoken across generations in families. A belief that was once a sensible adaptation persists long after the circumstances have changed.
Can you really change limiting beliefs?
Yes. Because beliefs are learned, they can also be re-learned. The path runs through recognising your own sentences, questioning them honestly, reformulating them into a realistic and credible version, and above all making new experiences that contradict the old conviction. Thinking alone is usually not enough; change shows itself in behaviour.
Are all beliefs bad?
No. There are just as many helpful beliefs as limiting ones. Convictions such as „I can learn if I keep at it“ provide support and confidence. In coaching the point is therefore not to get rid of all convictions, but to recognise the unhelpful ones and consciously strengthen the ones that carry us.
Conclusion
We live to a large extent along sentences we never consciously chose for ourselves. Some carry us, others keep us small. Working on beliefs is therefore not a technique for „positive thinking“, but the willingness to listen closely to our own inner convictions for once and to check whether they still hold true today. The podcast boils it down to a simple formula: recognise, make conscious, strengthen what helps and let go of what limits. And the most important step comes afterwards – when we start to behave differently from what the old sentence had planned.
Sources and further reading
- Podcast „Psychologie konkret“ (IAP – Institute of Applied Psychology at the ZHAW): „Glaubenssätze beeinflussen unser Leben“, a conversation between Ellen Gundrum and the psychologist Susanna Borner, published on 7 July 2025 (in German).
- Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Negative Core Beliefs in CBT – on core beliefs after Aaron T. Beck.
- Albert Ellis Institute: REBT in the Context of Modern Psychological Research – on the ABC model and irrational beliefs.
- Dorsch – Lexikon der Psychologie (Hogrefe): Selbstwirksamkeitserwartung – on self-efficacy after Albert Bandura (in German).
- The Decision Lab: Carol Dweck – on the fixed and growth mindset.
Note: This article was prompted by the podcast episode mentioned. The account of the episode is based on the publicly available show notes; the psychological framing draws on the sources cited. This article is not a substitute for psychotherapy or medical advice.
